So, my husband sent this to me today, and it just tickled me so, I have to share. Enjoy!
Sure. Everyone talks about saving money and fiscal responsibility and all that, but nobody really talks about how hard it is, or how expensive it can end up being. I mean, when I was just starting out, my business professor told us all that one of the best things we could do to ensure our financial stability into the future was to have only one credit card, and then freeze it into a big block of ice. That way, anytime we wanted to make a big-ticket purchase, we'd be forced to contemplate it while we worked at getting the credit card unfrozen. "Mark my words," he said. "Most of the time, you won't even get halfway to it before you realize that you don't really need what you were thinking about buying."
Well, that made sense to me. The only problem was that I didn't have a refrigerator. So I had to go out and buy one, and damn if those things aren't expensive. So I was really happy I hadn't frozen my credit card yet and used it to buy this really awesome fridge/freezer combo with the ice cube dispenser in the door. I didn't really need the ice cube dispenser in the door, but I figured that if I was going to have my credit card in a block of ice, I wouldn't have much room left in the freezer for ice trays. So it made sense.
But then I didn't have anywhere to put the freezer. It was too big for the room I was renting. So I needed to buy a house. So I went to the bank and got my mom to co-sign on this awesome loan that didn't even need any money down and would have really low payments for like two years. And I knew that I'd be working by then and would be making good money, so that didn't worry me at all.
Then I needed something to transport my freezer in. I would have just rented a truck, but I figured that, you know, I'd be needing a car to get around and look for jobs and stuff. I thought about buying a used truck, but then I was like, you know, I don't want to buy someone else's problem. So I bought this biatchin' F-150 and got a pretty good rate from the dealer and didn't have to put anything down, either. They were really cool.
So I put my freezer in the truck and drove it to my townhouse and then realized I needed electricity to make a block of ice but they were mean at the electric company and wanted like a two month deposit and I didn't have any money, so I had to use my credit card again for that and thank God it wasn't frozen yet.
Then I needed a bucket to make a block of ice in, so I got in my truck and went to Target, and while I was there I figured, you know, I should probably buy some other things a house needs like cleaning supplies and food and toilet paper and towels and an XBox 360 and a few games. And boy, I don't know how I'd have bought all that stuff if I'd already frozen my credit card, but I guess someone was looking out for me.
So I took all my new stuff home and took it inside and poured water in the bucket and put the credit card in the water and put it all in the freezer and it was frozen solid by the next morning. And then a few days later I was out of food. And I went to get my credit card but it was frozen, and damn if I couldn't get it out of that block of ice. And I waited a while like the professor had said but it didn't make me want food any less. Heck, I wanted it more. And I got the block of ice out and took it out to the walk and picked it up over my head and threw it down on the sidewalk, but it just chipped a little so I tried again and this time it landed on my foot and I broke it. My foot, I mean. And I got taken to the hospital in the ambulance with my block of ice and it finally melted which was good because holy Christ hospitals are expensive. And by the time I got home I was realizing that this whole financial planning thing really sucks, because now my credit card is maxed and my bucket is cracked and I can't drive my truck because my foot's broken and how am I supposed to find a job?
Maybe I'll buy a computer and get that Quicken software. I heard it helps you track spending and stuff. Maybe that's what I need.